How Much Influence Does Memory Have On Life
by thundever1
Summary: How much control do you have on your life, if you have someone else's memories and possibly more is there only one road you can take, will your life be better? Xander has Clark Kent's memories from Secret Identity
1. Chapter 1

**How Much Influence Does Memory Have On Life**

Disclaimer: I do not own any BTVS characters or references Joss Whedon does, Superman is owned by DC Comics and created by Jerry Siegal and Joel Shuster, the original idea of a Superman in the normal world was created by Elliot S Maggin, Curt Swan and Julius Schwartz, Superman: Secret Identity was done and created and done by Kurt Busiek, Stuart Immonen and Todd Klein and I think the first Xander dressing up as Clark Kent rather than Superman fanfiction was done by Metropolisrising.

Xander Harris sat at his desk, looking at the old typewriter that he had found in the basement of his house. Using the memory of his latest possession, he had restored it to full working order. Though what a typewriter was doing in his house, Xander did not know. All he did know was that he had had a really strange day, which led to the question of how much of your life is controlled by your memories.

The hardest thing about this situation in comparison to the hyena possession was the fact that the hyena had only used his memories and given him animal instincts and actions. This possession, however, had given him the memories of a man who had lived a long and eventful life, and who had vastly more life experience than, to be honest with himself, Xander had ever hoped to have.

The irony of the entire situation is that Xander had gone to Halloween dressed as he had, because not only would it enable him not to have to spend too much money, but he also wouldn't need to worry about looking like an idiot. All he had bought from Ethan's was two bits of cardboard, one saying that he was a writer for the _New__Yorker_and the other giving contact details to a book publishing company. Yet when the dust settled from the escapade, Xander found himself with the memories of a Clark Kent, one who somehow had Superman's powers, but was a normal human by birth and the only hero in the world to begin with. Who somehow still ended up married to a Lois, and had twin daughters who also had powers, but who gained these powers as teenagers, just like Clark himself had.

Xander did not know how much these memories were going to affect him, or affect his choices for the future, but he had to admit the knowledge and support of memories that had already lived through the high school years would be beneficial, especially with regards to keeping the powers secret. It had to have been the strangest of all coincidences, because what else would you call having a meteor shower appear over your head, while you are possessed by a naturally human Clark Kent, who also somehow got powers via a meteor shower. The Clark memories mentioned the meteors, although he did not remember them and theorised that due to everyone's reactions and attitudes to the name Clark Kent in a world where Superman was a comic character, had caused him to gain Superman's powers - which would explain his gaining of the powers.

He also knew that no matter whether he still had powers when he woke up in the morning, he would not tell anyone, not even Willow, Buffy or Giles Shaking his head, he could not rid himself of the sight of Clark's memory of that room that he found, while captured by his government, especially the image of the dead babies, lying on the metal tables, with tags on them. Xander may not have known his government or the Watcher's Council, but he did know that the Council did not like him and Willow helping Buffy. They had had the connections to get Giles a job pretty quickly in the school that Buffy was going to go to, before she arrived, and due to things that he had heard the Council would not be happy to know he had gained powers from this Halloween and with no reason to trust them, Xander would prefer keeping the knowledge to himself.

Especially as he did not know how long it would last for, for the moment, he would use the typewriter to get his thoughts out, as Clark did, and take it one step at a time. Even if in the end all there was left were the memories, it would still be good for him. What Xander realised was that he would have to improve his work, but hopefully with the knowledge and support of the memories of a published and award winning writer, his essays would get better, and perhaps he would gain better grades. Stopping the typewriter and removing the paper from it, Xander knew anything else would have to wait until he could see what tomorrow brought.


	2. Chapter Two: Making Decisions

**Chapter Two –Making Decisions**

Disclaimer: I do not own anything that can be recognised. 

Xander Harris, gave a great sigh, as he sat down in front of his beat up old desk, where the typewriter that he had cleaned and fixed stood. Getting the paper that he had found the day before as well, Xander put the paper in the top of the typewriter and secured it, making sure that the ink ribbon was tight and secure at the same time. Xander prepared himself mentally to go through what had turned into a cathartic process, the night before and hoping that it would provide the same today as it had been a weird day.

_ Takatakataka _

Monday 2nd November 1998, when I woke up everything was where I left it the night before, the typewriter was on my desk and for the first time in a long time it was in perfect working order, the clothes I had worn the night before, were on the floor and the page that I had typed was on the typewriter with the ink dried enough that it had to have been written a while ago. _**So it couldn't have just been a strange dream**_, I thought as I tore the page out of the typewriter and read it, knowing afterwards that I still had a lot of thinking to do. However I had school and unlike Clark at the time, not only did I not have any powers but I had two best friends who would notice and worry - especially after Saturday night -if I wasn't in school. I also really had to see them to know if they had any after effects from then, and a trip to the school library would not be a bad idea in any case. Thanks to the fact that I retained Clark's memories, I didn't think that there would be any after effects for them, because for all the memories that had stayed the course of the night, I have no idea yet about the powers. Not to mentions that the retaining of the memories could be due to the meteor shower and the possible connection with one in Clark's own life in his universe, but due to the costume incident being due to magic, it would be best to check in with the others anyway, if only to make sure they are alright.

The Library was the same as usual with the only people who came in being us. Giles still did not look happy about what his old friend had been up to; Buffy was still not happy about being turned helpless, but she seemed happier about her conversation with Angel, which I am not going into, regardless of the fact that he is nearly two and a half centuries older than her. Willow was a bit hesitant about going near anything in case it went through her, but she remained solid. Good things did, however, come from this Halloween for her: she now has the confidence that meant that she would not wear a ghost costume again. This means that my eldest surviving best friend would never again be technically killed by becoming a ghost via magic spells to do with costumes again, so that's a good thing.

School was slightly normal; Snyder was still looking for any chance to give Buffy or the rest of us trouble, so I will have to make sure that I slowly pull my grades up - or else knowing our luck, Snyder will try and charge us all of cheating, even if I am the only one whose grade point average is going up. An odd thing that I discovered is that paying more attention and taking more notes actually makes the lessons pass by quicker, or at least seem to. Who'd have thought that by making sure I knew what the homework was would also be made a lot easier by making sure I paid more attention to the teachers. I think they noticed; from Willow's looks and questions afterwards, I KNOW she did. Willow was easy to explain to, I just told as much of the truth as I could bring myself to - that after having Clark in my head, I wanted to try harder and get better grades. She accepted this and seemed happy. I wish Jesse was still here though, I might have been able to tell Jesse everything; Willow, however, I couldn't tell without her going to Buffy or Giles and either might want an exorcism - especially after the hyena incident - or tell someone I don't want to know. I don't know whether an exorcism would work, but I don't want to risk it; Clark's memories were a good wake up call. I also can't help but remember that Willow never wanted to talk about Jesse and stopped any conversation that I tried to start about him, and I was the one that had to stake the vampire wearing his face!

Xander stopped trying at that and ran weary fingers over his face; he just couldn't understand why Willow never wanted to mention Jesse, or why Giles and Buffy didn't mention him in the aftermath of the Harvest. Maybe they thought it was the best thing for him and Willow; he hoped so. Not to mention maybe it hurt Willow too much to talk about him as well.

Xander shook his head; realising that dwelling on such thoughts would not help him any either, he bent back to the typewriter and smiled. When he read the Sunnydale Gazette, he realised that even without the Clark advantages he could write just as well, if not better, than the writers in the paper. Just an hour ago he had wrote an article on Halloween, why it was so big and why so many people of all ages get into it, and sent it to the paper as a test. He knew he probably could get it into the school paper, but somehow he had to get money for paper, typewriter ink ribbons, and everything else that the typewriter might need in the future, and the paper actually did pay for articles that were sent in and that it used, and at the moment this was his best bet.

Xander smiled slightly at the memory of the early afternoon after school when he had just taken some time to be around his friends and act as he normally did, realising that if he did not try and hold onto himself, he might just lose his own personality, even though a lot of it just was not comfortable anymore.

Finishing what he was typing and tearing it off the typewriter and putting it with the previous piece that he was using as the beginnings of his own journal, Xander turned his thoughts to the 'To Do List' that he had written for end of the week. In order to try and get everything sorted in his mind, Xander had decided to take a leaf out of Clark's teenage book and go camping this weekend; get away from everything and its distractions. Xander had already told the others; Willow had looked worried, while Giles and Buffy had looked slightly relieved, surprisingly enough. Xander had finished all of his homework and had made sure that he had vampire protection in his pack such as crosses, stakes, and Holy Water, as well as his sleeping bag, paraffin lamp, paraffin canisters, and that the tent that he had found in the basement was still in working order.

Xander smiled, looking forward to a weekend with him and his thoughts, but knowing somehow that like Clark, though he would not write anything there, he would when he got back.

And somehow he also knew that everything would change this weekend.

Author's notes: Hope everyone likes this chapter, nothing is intended to be even slightly bashing any character, but after what's happened to Xander, he is likely to see things slightly differently and not always in the right way. Please review.


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